Saturday morning Lauren decided to give me the full college experience that I missed going to a school in the city.  One of her friends had rented a Pontoon Party boat.  A Partytoon.


We’re apparently supposed to set sail at 8:30 am, and Lauren and I stroll on the boat at 11 am.  Which if you know me you can assume I was freaking out because I’m never ten minutes late, better yet two and a half hours.  Also, it’s a boat, so wouldn’t they have left us?

Not so much.  Apparently we were the early birds.  We ended up leaving the dock at 1pm, and we actually left some tardy people behind.  I can’t even fathom how it’s possible to be that late.

Finally we set sail, and I’m enjoying watching all of these people being ridiculous.  After an hour of boating we stop and people start jumping off the boat and swimming around in the water.  I decide to lay out and work on my tan sunburn while Lauren jumps in to go swimming.

Next thing I know someone is pressed up against me, and I look up and she says, “You had the best spot on the boat.”  But it’s a boat for 50 people, and we are the only two left on it, and you insist of laying RIGHT UP AGAINST ME?

I try to ignore her, because honestly I did have the best spot on the boat.  I try to ignore her ridiculous heavy breathing and get back to my nap.  I sleep with a husband and a bed hogging dog every night and don’t have this much trouble.

All of the sudden her heavy breathing turns into sobbing.  I finally stop pretending to be napping and against my better judgement say, “What’s the matter?”  She goes into this long story about how so and so told her they were going to get back together, but instead he brought another girl along with him on the boat.  I try to lend a friendly ear before taking the first opportunity to pass her off to one of her friends.

Less than an hour later the whole train wreck went down, with this girl screaming at her ex boyfriend in front of every person on the boat.  Including his new girlfriend.

I was never so glad to have missed the party school experience.

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