A Post from a Future Lottery Winner (when it’s big enough)

Every couple of years I become convinced that I’m the next big lottery winner.  I watch the jackpot rise into the hundred millions and I get the urge to buy a ticket.  When I went to buy my very first ticket my co-workers wrote down exactly what I should say, which I then recited verbatim to the clerk.  Something along the lines of, “Gimme $5 of Mega-Millions quick pick” except with a bunch more lottery lingo thrown in.  And some slurring when I couldn’t read their handwriting.

It was terrifying.  I felt like everyone was staring and pointing fingers at me.  And would you believe it if I told you I didn’t win?  Hand to God.  I did not win.

Fast forward a couple of years and I notice the lottery creeping up into the hundreds of millions and I decide I’m going to win this time.  THIS IS MY YEAR.  So I go to my local lottery salesman (who happens to be a street vendor who spends the majority of his day feeding pigeons) and repeat my “Gimme $5 of Mega-Millions quick pick”. 

That night I stay up late and watch the numbers and would you believe it if I told you that I did not win AGAIN?  Hand to God.

Then a week ago hubs decides for the first time ever that he’s going to win the lottery.  But in order to win you have to buy tickets, and hubs was making no effort.  So while I was in a grocery store looking for canning jars I notice a lottery machine.  I put in $5 and hit “Quick Pick Mega-Millions”.  I didn’t even have to talk to anyone!  No one judged me, no crowds gathered and no fingers were pointed.  This machine clearly was my ticket to winning the lottery.

Later that night I completely forgot that I was about to win millions and went to bed.  The next morning when I woke up I remembered that I was now a multi-millionaire and grabbed my ticket to confirm.

And I did not win.  Hand to God.

So I run back into the bedroom, jump on the bed and wake the hubs up while screaming, “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!  I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!”  He rolls over and is all, “Huh?  What?  I’m sorry.  What did I do?”

Oh hubs, how I could seriously mess with you right now.  Instead I shove the ticket in his face and our dreams of owning a dog sled team are immediately flushed down the drain.  Or was that just my dream?  I can’t remember.

Later as hubs is consoling me (and I’m secretly trying to get back my dog sled deposit) he informs me that we didn’t win this time because the lottery wasn’t big enough.  What a relief.

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