We’ve spent quite a bit of time in Maryland since Adelaide’s arrival, which of course means taking Brady with us. It’s only his favorite place in the world, so no complaints from him. The only problem is when Brady gets together with my parent’s dog Toby. They’re both well behaved dogs, but put together and it’s like a non stop bark fest. One will see something in the yard and let out a little grunt. The other will respond with a bark. Then the first dog will bark back. Next thing you know the dogs are running around the house barking and neither one of them even knows what they’re barking at.
And then there’s the doorbell. No one should ever ring the doorbell at the home of a new baby. Add in two dogs and you might as well just kiss nap time goodbye.
So my parent’s decide to be proactive and hire a dog trainer they found online with good reviews. She gets to the house and is all, “You know how I work, right?”
Positive reinforcement? Treats out the wazoo? A spray bottle? What does it matter, just get the job done lady.
Except it did matter. It mattered because we unknowingly hired a dog psychic. She pulls out of her purse a pendant, which she begins to spin in circles while channeling “the spirits”.
I am not making this up.
She starts with Brady, who at this point has lost interest in the lady sitting on the kitchen floor waving the piece of jewelry around and has gone far into the backyard to pee on some stuff.
“Spirits, does Brady have a blockage? Column A, Column B… Row 1, Row 2, Row 3”
Apparently the spirits lead her around this chart she’s brought with her to determine what “blockages” our dogs have. Once she’s pinpointed the blockage she asks the spirit to remove it and replace it with love.
Again, I am not making this up.
After about an hour of removing blockages she decides to go ahead and ring the doorbell and see how it’s worked. Let’s just say the dogs still had a few blockages.
I think my favorite part might have been when she told us she didn’t have any formal training in this field.
No, really? I couldn’t tell.